Last weekend I flew home once again to Pennsylvania to
attend my brother Kyle’s wedding. I met with my brothers the morning after I
landed there, and we went to Panera Bread and Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. I
ran into Peter E., a fellow youth group goer from back in the day, in the
Panera Bread, which was rather neat. He’s doing well, taking some classes at a
college the next town over.
After breakfast, we drove the whole day to meet Grandma, and
then Grandpa. I rode in Andrew’s car with him and Carys and Lennon. His license
plate says IMAGINE and he reupholstered his ceiling with a yin-yang tapestry,
and it looks really cool. Grandma seemed healthy and good. She was happy to see
Julia, Melony, and Carys and Lennon. They made her day. She made us lunch, consisting
of that salad I had always hated, dandelion salad. This time, she made it with
spinach, but it was still bitter. Despite how much I always hated it growing
up, I found a liking for it, now that my pallet has become accustomed to
bitterness. After saying our goodbyes, we drove off toward Grandpa’s house. We
stayed at Grandma's longer than anticipated, so at the last minute, instead of dropping by
his house, he had us meet him for dinner at a local buffet. The food there was
very good, especially considering it was a buffet. It was good to see Grandpa
again; it has been a very long while. He and Barb are still together, which is
a good thing. She is considerably younger than him, and it’s good that he has
somebody like her to help him keep tabs on his health as he ages. After dinner,
we played around the restaurant a while, the girls running around, and I held
Julia for the first time as Aaron and Sharon excused themselves to the
bathrooms. I sang “Tom’s Diner” to her as I bounced her up and down to keep her
occupied. We said our goodbyes and drove home.
The following day, Saturday, we had breakfast, and I
borrowed Aaron’s rental car to go visit Shawn S. I stopped at a florist to pick
up some flowers. From there I had a difficult time finding the cemetery. It has
been a long time since I drove the Pennsylvania roads, and I forgot how to get
there, as well as its name. It wasn’t even marked on Google Maps, but I
eventually found it by studying the streets on my phone and finding the
familiar turn-off. I left the flowers on his grave, and mused a bit, and left
two pennies on his stone. Then I headed home. We headed out in the afternoon to
Moraine State Park, where we had lunch and met with the family and the wedding
party. It was good to see my brothers and sisters again. It was strange to see
all the kids they had in my absence. They had started their own families; the
next generation was already growing up, and I felt old. There were pontoon boat
rides over the lake, but I opted to stay ashore. Cori, Keith, and I went to the
liquor store to pick up Gin and Rum, then we headed over to the Lodge where the
wedding party was staying. We played some card games, like Monty Python Fluxx,
and drank, and had dinner. The kids decorated the wedding cake, and it looked
amazing, with decorations and colored sugar all over the place. Link and Zelda
figurines stood atop the cake. Aaron and Sharon and Julia and I headed home.
Sunday was the day of the wedding, at the lake. It was a
short but memorable ceremony, followed by a lunch at the pavilion. Keith and
Bailey made remarkable speeches; Keith’s, serious, Bailey’s, humorous. We
headed back to lodge, where we played a round of Dominion that I nearly won. I
had set up my hand so that I would have access to 6 coin automatically, nearly
every turn of mine, even before drawing any coin cards. I lost because we
rushed the ending. There was drinking, and dancing. I made several gin &
tonics for Cori and Vicki, who appreciated the quality of the gin very much.
Hairspray, my tail. :P We went outside later into the night to watch the lunar
eclipse; it was mostly obscured by clouds, but the whole group of us, sitting
in the field, talking and laughing, made me feel at home. I wish I could
experience more like this, where I feel surrounded by family and good company.
I played a round of Poker with Kyle, Jill, and a few of their friends. I was
extremely rusty, and eventually went bankrupt, but it was all good fun. Andrew
drove us home, but on the way, we stopped at a haunted graveyard in the backwoods
by a less-traveled trail on the far side of the lake. It was kinda creepy, but
beautiful at the same time.
It’s always at these family weddings where I am inevitably
faced with the lack of romantic relationships in my experience. I am reminded
of my need for therapy to overcome the association of gay sex (any sex, really)
and SIN, the dread afterwards, the anxiety beforehand. I don’t really know why
I have been putting off getting started on this.
Monday morning came, and all the siblings came together for
breakfast at Dad’s house. Aaron and Sharon, Andrew, Pam, and myself. We had
eggs and bagels and coffee. Towards the early afternoon, we said our goodbyes
as Andrew and his kids took off, but not before taking a picture with the 4 of
us Schiffer “kids”. Aaron and Sharon and I then left for the airport, a little
bit later.
On the flight in, I finished reading “All Quite on the
Western Front” by Erich Maria Remarque. It is a story about death and the loss
of innocence through war and violence. It was a very somber story, and not
quite the best way to start off the vacation. However, it got me thinking… When
people ask me what my greatest fear is, I usually respond, spiders. But I can
manage spiders. I can squash them or move them outdoors. My greatest fear is
death; specifically, a long, painful, drawn-out death. I smoked cigarettes with
Andrew and Cori this weekend, but after reviewing this, I quit right after
returning to Denver. I greatly fear suffering through cancer.
I also realized how much I miss my family. In Denver, I
tried constructing a pride many times, but people and friendships are always in
flux. My plan was to move to Seattle, or thereabouts; however, I am considering
moving back to the east coast to be nearer to my brothers. It’s like Baz Luhrmann
said in Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen): “Be nice to your siblings; they
are the best link to your past, and the people most likely to stick with you in
the future… Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because
the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.”
There is no better fit to a pride than my actual family, I realize. I did try
to reconcile with my sister. She seemed willing to go along with it, actually.
I still feel the need to keep up my guard around her; I’ve been burned a few
times too many times by her application of her beliefs. I hope she understands
that now. I want to be her brother again, but I don’t want to open myself up to
more grief.
Overall, my weekend was wonderful. I was able to see my
wonderful family again, and, now that I have my credit cards paid off, I can
start saving toward travel funds again. I was given much to think about, too:
therapy, mortality, family and my relationship with my siblings… There was no
better way to spend the weekend, I think.
